I recently read this story on Suicide in the Deseret News. It always makes me so sad when I see another new story about a child, a teen, or any person who feels like the stresses of the world are enough that they need to take their own life. The act of suicide does not just affect the close family members or even the schools - it has lasting effects on a community, and even on those of us just reading a story about it.
Now, Being an emotional person who has had many ups and downs in my own life, I can tell you that I have been in their shoes before - I know what it is like to feel like there is no other choice except to take your own life. I know what it is like to feel as though I am not loved, no one will want me, and that I am the scourge of the earth - destined to walk the road alone and abandoned forever.
A little dramatic? You may think so, but this is how a person who is being bullied or is feeling depressed and alone truly starts to feel whenever they begin to contemplate suicide. They no longer care that their mom or their dad or even that their siblings say that they love them. That's not the point - the point is that they feel helpless, hopeless, unloved, unwanted, and they don't want the love of those people - they want the love of someone else. Many times, they don't even love themselves anymore. They have either worn themselves and their self esteem down or someone else has, to a point where it feels overwhelming and impossible to fix the situation. Unfortunately, that someone or that some thing seems completely out of reach for them because they are so deep into their depression that those moments of happiness do seem out of reach. They want friends that they don't get to have because of the way other people are. They want to be accepted by their peers. They want to experience that "Sweeping off the feet" feeling that movies and advertisements and T.V. shows portray all too frequently. They want something that does not truly exist for anyone.
Which brings me to my other point - Everyone goes through feelings like this. It's just that some of those people handle it better than others. Even bullies have feelings of doubt - the way that they handle it is to put others down rather than to sink into their own depression. It's a Front.
The good news is that if you are ever feeling like this the following will always be true:
1) You are not alone. Nope - it's true. You FEEL alone - but you aren't alone. In fact, if you reach out and talk to people, most of them will tell you that they too have felt the same way that you are feeling. They might not always have the advice that you are looking for - they might not have the answers, but most likely they understand how you are feeling. And having someone that you can relate to is half of the battle. Sometimes it is just nice to be able to talk with someone that has been there too.
2) Regardless of how you are feeling about yourself, you are loved. And you cannot imagine what it would do to other people if you left them behind. Not just to me - or Rick - but your Dad, Carli, Kennedy, Grandma! Not to mention people that you might consider only as acquaintances, those people probably consider you as a friend. You and I have a way of distancing ourselves from people - we love to be social, but not be committed - it's a fear of getting hurt in the long run or being betrayed in some way. However, if you were to look back over some of these relationships, or if anyone were to ask those other people if they were Friends of yours - they would most likely say that they were. We do not know how important we are to others - sometimes, we are the person that someone else looks forward to seeing. We are the one that brighten their day - and we don't even know it.
3) You would be missed more than you know. And not just "oh - how I miss him" but more in a "How can I go on without him?" It would send other people into their own depression. Sometimes, when these things happen, those people don't recover from it either.
Look - Cyber bullying, it happens. People are cowards when they are behind the keyboard. Live bullying, it happens. People tend to kick others that they feel are weaker than them - or when they are feeling inferior. Children bully. Adults bully. People have a tendency to just be ugly. However, Bullying is never right. It's never OK. I hope that if you are bullied that you remember the points above - that Suicide is not ever, never ever, the answer. Life gets better after High School. It gets even better after college. And life is amazing once you become an adult and have your own family. Keep Going. Always keep going.
If you see someone else being bullied - stand up for them. Be their friend. You could be the one person that prevents them from doing the worst thing that they could do. You could be the one that saves a life.
I love you Suhn - Always be the man that I know you are. Be honorable. Have Integrity. Be a protector.